My desire to be a teacher was from the young age of 10 years. I have wanted to be other things at times but that is the only one that stayed with me (I wanted to be a singer, dancer, dental nurse, work in travel and tourism... the list could go on). So during my last year at high school I looked seriously at where I would go when I finished. I looked at then Auckland College of Education (ACE), and at other universities until an aunty told me about a Christian Teacher's college somewhere down in Tauranga. I searched it out on the internet and applied.
So I got an interview at Bethlehem Institute of Education in August of my Seventh form (Year 13) year and at my interview I remember them asking me the question "What will you do if you don't get in?" I told them that I would apply again the next year. That said and done the following month I got my acceptance letter to start the following year.
It was a little hard to concentrate on my study for the rest of the year even though I knew I would be going to Tauranga the next year. Also, just as I was beginning my pre-lim exams for Bursary at school our boarder committed suicide. It was a struggle concentrating after that. I passed by exams and even got top marks (although not that high) in Desktop Publishing.
So the year sped by and all of a sudden it was time to leave home (another hard thing to do) - but having finally found a place to live in Tauranga I ended up boarding with Larry Baldock and family for the first term of my studies before moving to live in Bethlehem with Caroline Martin.
My first year is a bit of a blur I remember feeling on the outside of things at times but also great friends came alongside me like Sue Worsell, Susanna Angelo, Fiona Snell, Melanie Hemmingway and others too. They were great support.
I remember being very nervous in my first practicum but I enjoyed it all the same, Year 3 at Bethlehem College - I learnt 'This is the Day' in Maori there and that was the beginning of my desire to learn it in as many languages as possible I now know it is 5 languages (Maori, English, Tongan, Korean and Tagalog) but hope to learn it in more.
The second year I was not in a great place, one of my biggest issues was dealing with life without a dad... I remember many a night crying myself to sleep. I didn't know how to approach God as father as I viewed my dad as having left me (even though he died - when I was almost 5) and he was not there to protect me and look after me and my family. I struggle a lot with this and other things and found life was one big struggle a lot of the time. I used to try and hid it by wearing my beanie down to my eyes and a jumper up to my nose.... not a very good hiding place really come to think of it... lol.
It came to a head as I said in a previous posting with me being so upset I cried my way through a whole lesson (I think it was a science class). I knew I need to do something so I reached out to a lecturer I trusted Ruth Smith who was helpful and help put me in touch with other who could help. It was a good think I did that when I did because my intake co-ordinator Nell Dachs was worried about me and was wondering what to do and had even asked one of the counselling lecturers to talk with me.
Things started to pick up from there and although it wasn't wonderful I was able to cope a lot better. I really loved my time in the second year when we went on Missions practicum and I went to Tonga with a group of girls... hmm that might be a story for next blog...
Music has always been a big thing for me and Melanie Hemingway played me the song 'You're my little girl' by Go Fish - for quite a while it was a song that I used to cry to but it also helped me alot... The word's really spoke to me and where I was at...
The ones you love they let you down
And I want you to know that Im sorry
The choices that they made were wrong
You were caught in the middle and Im sorry
So when the anger and the pain
Get the best of you
I know it seems like you're all alone
But I am feeling it too
Chorus
'Cuz you're my little girl
Youre the one that I created
No one in this world could ever be like you
When you're cryin' in the night
All you need to do is call me
Ill be there for you
'Cuz you're my little girl
When you're lookin in the mirror
I hope you're likin' what you see
Because no matter what you're feelin'
You're perfect to me
Because I see you as a child
Blameless in my sight
Just spend some time with me
And I'll make everything alright
Bridge
I know you don't deserve what you've been through
I know it doesn't seem fair
I know that there are times you think you're alone
But you've got to know that I will be there, be there
My time at Bethlehem went way too fast and yet at the same time was slow... there was so much learning and so much growing that happened at that time. God continued to guide me and lead me on to my next adventure...
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