Teacher's College...

Hmm... back to my blog...


My desire to be a teacher was from the young age of 10 years.  I have wanted to be other things at times but that is the only one that stayed with me (I wanted to be a singer, dancer, dental nurse, work in travel and tourism... the list could go on).  So during my last year at high school I looked seriously at where I would go when I finished.  I looked at then Auckland College of Education (ACE), and at other universities until an aunty told me about a Christian Teacher's college somewhere down in Tauranga.  I searched it out on the internet and applied.


So I got an interview at Bethlehem Institute of Education in August of my Seventh form (Year 13) year and at my interview I remember them asking me the question "What will you do if you don't get in?" I told them that I would apply again the next year.  That said and done the following month I got my acceptance letter to start the following year.  


It was a little hard to concentrate on my study for the rest of the year even though I knew I would be going to Tauranga the next year.  Also, just as I was beginning my pre-lim exams for Bursary at school our boarder committed suicide.  It was a struggle concentrating after that.  I passed by exams and even got top marks (although not that high) in Desktop Publishing.


So the year sped by and all of a sudden it was time to leave home (another hard thing to do) - but having finally found a place to live in Tauranga I ended up boarding with Larry Baldock and family for the first term of my studies before moving to live in Bethlehem with Caroline Martin.  


My first year is a bit of a blur I remember feeling on the outside of things at times but also great friends came alongside me like Sue Worsell, Susanna Angelo, Fiona Snell, Melanie Hemmingway and others too.  They were great support.  


I remember being very nervous in my first practicum but I enjoyed it all the same, Year 3 at Bethlehem College - I learnt 'This is the Day' in Maori there and that was the beginning of my desire to learn it in as many languages as possible I now know it is 5 languages (Maori, English, Tongan, Korean and Tagalog) but hope to learn it in more.


The second year I was not in a great place, one of my biggest issues was dealing with life without a dad... I remember many a night crying myself to sleep.  I didn't know how to approach God as father as I viewed my dad as having left me (even though he died - when I was almost 5) and he was not there to protect me and look after me and my family.  I struggle a lot with this and other things and found life was one big struggle a lot of the time.  I used to try and hid it by wearing my beanie down to my eyes and a jumper up to my nose.... not a very good hiding place really come to think of it... lol.


It came to a head as I said in a previous posting with me being so upset I cried my way through a whole lesson (I think it was a science class).  I knew I need to do something so I reached out to a lecturer I trusted Ruth Smith who was helpful and help put me in touch with other who could help.  It was a good think I did that when I did because my intake co-ordinator Nell Dachs was worried about me and was wondering what to do and had even asked one of the counselling lecturers to talk with me.  


Things started to pick up from there and although it wasn't wonderful I was able to cope a lot better.  I really loved my time in the second year when we went on Missions practicum and I went to Tonga with a group of girls... hmm that might be a story for next blog... 


Music has always been a big thing for me and Melanie Hemingway played me the song 'You're my little girl' by Go Fish - for quite a while it was a song that I used to cry to but it also helped me alot...  The word's really spoke to me and where I was at...

The ones you love they let you down

And I want you to know that Im sorry

The choices that they made were wrong

You were caught in the middle and Im sorry

So when the anger and the pain

Get the best of you

I know it seems like you're all alone

But I am feeling it too

Chorus

'Cuz you're my little girl

Youre the one that I created

No one in this world could ever be like you

When you're cryin' in the night

All you need to do is call me

Ill be there for you

'Cuz you're my little girl

When you're lookin in the mirror

I hope you're likin' what you see

Because no matter what you're feelin'

You're perfect to me

Because I see you as a child

Blameless in my sight

Just spend some time with me

And I'll make everything alright

Bridge

I know you don't deserve what you've been through

I know it doesn't seem fair

I know that there are times you think you're alone

But you've got to know that I will be there, be there

My time at Bethlehem went way too fast and yet at the same time was slow... there was so much learning and so much growing that happened at that time.  God continued to guide me and lead me on to my next adventure...

More than surviving...

Oh how hard it is to write and choose what to write but I was thinking over what I wrote and realised there is so much more to it...

There was definitely an aspect through high school and into teachers college of surviving, taking one day at a time but not really living but there was more too.

God helped establish friendships and relationships and desires more strongly in me during this time.

In High School I had experiences with learning other languages (Japanese, Spanish and Maori) and interacting with a variety of cultures through the buddy system and the different nationalities represented at Orewa College.  These helped to establish that I really enjoy other cultures and learning languages even if I don't necessarily say I am very good at it.

Also at this time I had a idea that I couldn't go somewhere unless I was invited and my brother and other young people really liked and enjoyed spending time with a woman named Momma.  I was too shy and not happy to go as I hadn't been personally invited.  Momma (Margaret Hubbard) sort me out one day when I was working at Woolworths and invited me to come and spend some time with her and others at the house that she was renting at the time.  That was the start of a very influential and special friendship which continues today.

Also from a young age I wanted to be a teacher and I knew that teaching would work well into the call I felt to be a missionary so even though I didn't know how or if I would ever be able to go overseas as a missionary I continued to pursue what I thought was for me.

Another influence was Jeff and Ruth Auty - they are the first people in my life that I think I associated with being missionaries.  Their work overseas and their sharing of their knowledge and their mentoring of a group of young people helped to form in me a bigger picture of missions.

So during the time of surviving living each day (As in post 2) God was working establishing relationships, teaching me more about the grand scheme of missions and growing my view of the world as a mission field.

God is good...

Surviving...

STEP TWO - Survival Mode


Around the same time as I felt called by God to cross-cultural and overseas missions was also about the time I started questioning my faith...


I knew I couldn't live under the shadow of my mother's faith any longer and I started questioning if God was real.


It took me a while but I went to a Peter Snell Youth Village Summer Camp around this time and I remember on our trip out we went to Waiheke Island and there while talking to the speaker I think his name was 'Kim' we asked that question how do we know God is real...


His answer made me think as he used the illustration of a watchmaker.  He pointed to his watch and asked us who had made it - we said a watch maker.  He asked us how we knew - we said that it couldn't be made by itself it must of had a person to make it.  He then turned our attention to the beautiful creation around us and said who made it?  It made me see that the creation around us had to be made by someone because of it's intricate design.  It definitely gave me things to think about. (Since then I have stumbled across this dynamation which is a good illustration of the watchmaker story it is good for a look if you have a few minutes kids4truth.com/Dyna/Watchmaker.aspx )


That night at Peter Snell Youth Village I made my own decision to choose God as my own...


That was the beginning of my period of survival - I didn't know how hard life could be but I never felt normal and didn't think that I fitted in anywhere.   I had people who definitely helped me through high school and beyond who have helped mould me into the person I am today.  


I was dealing with issues of self-esteem, self worth, struggling with not having a father, trying to help friends with their issues as well as deal with mine and more...


At one point in High School I was helping with Sunday School in the mornings because I thought it was want I SHOULD do but I didn't want to go to church for my own spiritual growth in fact I didn't really want to be at church at all however Julie-Anne Varney was there encouraging me and drawing me back to church.  Also Jude De Waal who impacted my life through her openness, love and care who was there as a listening ear all through my high school and who I am so glad to have had as a part of the next major event in my journey with God.


On Mother's Day 1997, I was baptised at Whangaparaoa Baptist Church.  That night was such an encouragement to me as my whole family was there... Not only my brother Gareth with his hair dyed purple, Bevan, Mum and Hayden (who regularly attended there anyway) but also my Grandmother who was a very special and dear person to me and Aunty Ivy.  Having my family there made it all the more special but the people who encouraged me that night also impacted my life...


Joanne Hall gave me the verses...
“Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” - Joshua 1:7-9  


For me these verses although I don't necessarily feel I have been the best example have been a constant reminder to be strong and courageous to not give up and not let fear take hold in my life.


And another friend who gave me... 
"My son (daughter), do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.  Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.   Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man.  Trust in the Lord with all your heart     and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:1-6~


Verse 5 and 6 were already favourites of mine but it made me remember that love and faithfulness are also things I want to be strong holds in my life as well as Trusting always in God.


These verses are and will be a continued centre point in my life.


I felt that I never fitted in, in High School and I often found myself on the outside... I was different from others and did not know how to socialise very well, I was quite withdrawn.  I was a loner and didn't know how to relate to others (at least that's how I saw life).


The one constant in my life has been God even though I haven't always known how to relate to him or what his place in my life should be.


My survival mode continued all through high school going from day to day, just surviving not really living and even into my time at Teacher's college, I was just surviving living each day as it came and not really trying too hard to deal with life.  I used to hid from the world not know who the real me is and too scared to trust others and open up to them. But life came to a head in Teacher's college, when I was at a particularly low point, although my feelings and ways of doing things hadn't stopped me I found that I was finding it harder and harder to cover up how I was feeling and one class I found I cried the whole way though as I didn't know how to deal with life.  Thankfully I was close enough to a wonderful lecturer Ruth Smith who helped me and directed me to more help and started me on my journey of healing and finding myself.  


Starting to move me out of survival mode into living and learning...


(JUST A DISCLAIMER - there were many other influential and important people to me during this time but I would be writing for days if I was to tell my whole story)

The Beginning of my Journey

Finally back to my Blog... it has been several years...


Well I am on the journey toward going to live in Bangladesh!


How did this come about? Some may ask but for me it has been a long time coming.  I have wanted to go overseas to work cross culturally with under privileged or those less fortunate than me since I was 11 years old (18 years ago).  So in this Blog I will begin with my journey toward missions.  


STEP ONE (The Call / Desire to go)
When I was 11 years old at my church in Whangaparaoa they put on a day which I remember as being called 'The Journey' and what a journey it has taken me on.  We started off in a comfort zone where we had games, food and all things good.  From there we went to a mission meeting where we heard about the need for missionaries.  This started us off on the journey of the day which lead us to going to language school, getting passports, visas, money and then being blindfolded and put on a bus to an unknown destination....


We arrived at Peter Snell Youth Village which had been transformed into a new country "Kainantu".  There some people were thrown in jail, we were told we needed to learn some of the language which was a challenge in itself trying to communicate with people of another language.  It was a great experience and then we were bused back to church where they had set up examples of many different mission agencies and things we could do to be involved.


This is when I date my call to missions back to...